A Jewish Matchmaker’s Guide to Dating After Divorce
As a Jewish matchmaker, I’m often approached by newly-divorced singles who aren’t sure if they are ready to date again. Understandably, it depends on the individual but there are a few signs that indicate you may be ready to get back into the dating game.
The first indication that you may be ready to date after divorce is the fact that you are even considering it. For some, the thought of dating again is simply unappealing and if you’re still at this space, wait a bit longer. If, however, the idea of dating sounds like an adventure and you feel eager to get started, it’s a good indication that you are ready.
Another telltale sign that you may be ready to date again is your attitude toward your ex. If you are still angry and resentful about the divorce, ask yourself if you are directing those emotions toward all members of the opposite sex. If you find yourself making comments like, “all men are cheaters”, or “most woman will take you for a ride”, then you are not ready to start dating. Learning to separate your past relationships from your future relationships will allow you to see each potential partner for who he/she is. No two people and no two relationships are the same, so don’t bring past emotional baggage into a new relationship.
Before you begin dating after divorce, you need to get clear about what you are looking for in a relationship this time around. Do you want to date and have fun? Do you want something long-term? Do you want to marry again? If you can answer these questions, you can begin the dating process with a clear vision that will aid you when deciding who to date. If you are hoping to find a good step-parent for your children, don’t go after the playboy. If you just want to have fun and enjoy the company of a variety of people, then don’t waste the time of someone who is looking to get serious. Get clear in your own head and heart about your intentions so you will draw others of the same mindset.
Dating after divorce can be stressful and intimidating or it can be exhilarating and adventurous. It all depends on your mental state. Let yourself grieve the ending of your marriage (some grieving is necessary no matter what the circumstances); you will know when you are ready to move on and you will have a much better idea of what you want so that you can approach your next relationship from a healthy and emotionally open place.