Too Strong- Too Soon

Have you ever met someone with whom you really hit it off, only to have them come too strong on your first date that you lost that feeling of attraction for them almost as quickly as you’d found it? Is it possible to come on too strong?

Or maybe you’ve been the one who felt so immediately connected to someone that you scared them off with too much togetherness too soon?

Even if you are hunting down your dates by utilizing Jewish online dating services or a personalized Jewish matchmaker, you should keep in mind that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) likes a little bit of a chase at the beginning of a relationship- a little bit of uncertainty about how the other person feels about you- a little bit of missing that person – a little bit of evaluating your last conversation and weighing the silence between your next one and trying to figure out if he/she really likes you. Now I’m not talking about playing games, no one likes that. But you should understand that a little bit of angst and uncertainly and wondering when you’re going to see each other again can be good for a relationship.

There’s an unspoken protocol during the first few weeks of Jewish dating that consists of a fine line between playing hard-to-get (which is old) and being desperate (which is scary). It’s courtesy to call your date the next day to say you had a great time and you’d like to go out again, but make your second date for at least a few days later and don’t call in between. Just let the days pass with both of you thinking about each other and anticipating your next moments together.

After the second date, you should feel a bit more relaxed and able to call once or twice before you meet again, but don’t make it a daily habit and don’t try to schedule time together on a daily basis. That type of behavior should wait until the two of you have really decided that what you feel for each other has the potential to grow into something serious. I almost guarantee that if you start phoning every day and/or trying to plan time together every day right from the beginning, you will soon find yourself back on your own. I’ve seen it happen too many times- two people really hit it off and then one of them goes into overkill and completely squelches whatever feelings of attraction they sparked in the other.

If all this is hitting close to home and you find a pattern in your own life of meeting great potential mates, but following it up by coming on too strong, just take a step back and understand how your behavior may be chasing someone away. Relax. If you know that someone is into you, feel confident enough in that knowledge to allow them a little breathing room. Enjoy those priceless emotions that ignite when two people really have chemistry, and let the sparks grow into a long-lasting fire. Whatever you do, don’t smother the flames with too much, too soon.