Are Common Interests Important?

It’s an age-old dilemma. If opposites attract, then why do we keep looking for a soul mate with common interests? Is it really so important that a couple enjoy the same activities and share the same likes/dislikes, or is it more exciting if a soul mate can introduce the other to something new? Well, like most things in life, the truth lies somewhere in between. I don’t think anyone can discount the thrill of meeting someone who shares your obsession of a particular genre of film or music, or with whom you can engage in hours of conversation over some obscure topic in which no one else seems interested.

This is what finding a soul mate feels like, right? Well, yes. But a soul mate is also someone who encourages you to expand your comfort zone and experience new things. Let’s face it, by this stage in your development, you’re probably pretty set in your lifestyle and have strong opinions about what does and doesn’t appeal to you. So is this where you should limit your search? Absolutely not. The main objective to find a soul mate whose values match your own. This should be your main point of elimination. Analyze yourself and come up with a list of five value- based character traits that are simply not up for negotiation, and look first for those. Once this hurdle has been crossed, you can turn your attention to your individual interests. Even in this realm, you can learn a lot about a person’s underlying value system

Say you are a fan of the opera, and your soul mate is addicted to trance music. Is this an impasse? Not at all! The key is how willing each of you is to opening your minds and experiencing the interests of the other. Do you make the effort to listen to his trance music, and learn how this particular genre appeals to him? Does he surprise you with tickets to the opera, and seem willing to share your experience and feel for this music style? It may not lead to either of you thoroughly enjoying the others taste, but the loving act of trying to understand what appeals to the other will lead to a more open and secure relationship.

If, however, only one of you (or neither of you) makes an effort to discover more about what makes your partner tick by engaging them in discussions about their particular interests, then this shows a self-centered attitude and lack of growth that most likely will permeate the entire relationship. This reflects a value system that is lacking in maturity and ability to thoroughly love the other person. You are soul mates in love so allow the other to enjoy what they like!

The bottom line is, if you find a person whom you can respect and love, then open yourself up to new interests and experiences, and try to discover more about your partner through the subjects that appeal to him/her. And if there are some activities in which you just cannot conjure an interest, then as long as they are not harmful to the relationship, accept them as part of who this person is, and understand that finding someone with whom you share EVERY interest, is an unrealistic goal.