Do you Dream of Your Jewish Soulmate?

As a Jewish matchmaker, I have seen all kinds of clients: those who are very serious about finding their Jewish soulmate and those who are not. Funny thing, the ones who are more interested in simply getting married, and not so focused on finding their soul mate sometimes have the more difficult time.

The issue is this. If you are serious about finding your soulmate, then you are aware that your soulmate may not come in a custom-designed “package” of specifications. Maybe they are taller (or shorter) than you imagine. Or maybe they are a few years older (or younger) than you imagine. Maybe your soulmate is a blond, even though you usually prefer brunettes, or maybe your soulmate has been married and divorced, or has a child- whereas you wanted someone who had never been married. The point is, your true soulmate, the person who is most suited to be your partner for life- can be completely the opposite of what you expect, and if you are serious about finding your real soulmate, then you must open up your list of “preferences” and be willing to meet people with whom you might initially not see the compatibilities. The fact that your eyes and your heart are wide open to a variety of different people who might not fit a physical or experiential “mold” will give you the best opportunity to stumble upon one of G-d’s greatest gifts to us, the gift of our true Jewish besherte.

Those seekers who limit their options of a mate to very specific age, height, appearance, education, and professional criteria, are clearly NOT concerned about finding their perfect match, they are more concerned about finding someone that fits their physical image of their fantasy man (or woman), and that person is obviously going to have a more difficult time finding a partner because, well let’s face it, you can ask your Jewish matchmaker to only match you up with women who look like Angelina Jolie, but my experience has shown me that unless you also look like Brad Pitt, Ms. Angelina is not going to be interested in meeting you. The same is true with any age slender, attractive women in their 30’s are interested in slender attractive men, and although they may well consider someone in their 40’s, odds are that they will not be interested in a man who is nearing 60.
The conclusion to this is simply that although we would love our soulmate to also be our fantasy, marriage isn’t about fantasy. Marriage is work, and investing time, attention, consideration, and compromise into a partnership that will endure years of stress, struggle, and outside tensions. If you are not with the person who is best suited for you spiritually, then you will never make it. Oh, you might hang in there without divorcing, but you will not be happy. Neither of you will.  If you’re sincerely seeking your Jewish soulmate, the best modus operandi is to first take a look at yourself and start working to be a person who would be attractive to the person you seek. Next, broaden your options and stop limiting yourself to some cookie-cutter image of perfection that you will most likely never find. Open yourself up to meeting everyone that comes your way. Just meet them once. That’s all it takes for something real to be sparked, and you may find that your custom-made Jewish partner is nothing like you originally envisioned, but exactly what you want and need and most of all, a true soulmate.