A Jewish Matchmaker reveals the nitty-gritty of nurturing love from a distance…

Many of my clients assure me that they are open to relocation when it comes to finding lasting romance, but often end up turning down a potential match because of the distance involved. Yes, as much as we’d like to believe that we are open to all possibilities in love, the truth is that it takes real commitment and dedication to launch into a long-distance romance with a full heart and enough energy and enthusiasm to keep it going, and many just don’t have the stamina. It takes two special people to make such a relationship thrive while enduring the physical separation – particularly in the very beginning when getting to know each other on a day-in / day-out basis is crucial. Often, my clients seem focused on whether or not the OTHER person can truly commit to such a scenario, without stopping to reflect on whether or not they are up to the task.

If you’ve ever wondered what it takes to have a long-distance love affair and whether or not you are “long-distance relationship material”, here are a few personality traits that will increase the odds of success:

OPTIMISM: If you approach the idea of a long-distance relationship with anything less than a full-blown belief that it CAN work, it DOES work, and it WILL work for you, then you can shelve the idea right now. Doubt and pessimism are insidious destroyers of success and if you even remotely entertain the idea that such a scenario won’t work, it won’t, so if you are not a naturally optimistic person, don’t even go there….

A TRUSTING NATURE: Some people immediately trust their partner until he/she gives them a reason not to, while others expect their partner to earn their trust over time. If you have any trust issues whatsoever, give up on the idea of long-distance romance because your insecurity and distrust will eat away at you until you explode with a barrage of accusations. If it is at all difficult for you to trust people that you don’t really know – especially a new romantic partner – by all means keep your dalliances close to home, this is not your scene…

GREAT COMMUNICATION SKILLS: If you are not good at expressing your thoughts and feelings easily and openly, then a long-distance relationship is almost guaranteed to fail. You need to be able to share your needs, your fears, your doubts, your hopes, and your dreams in an honest and direct way because most of your communication as a couple is going to be verbal and written expression. Phone calls and emails are going to be the pillars of your courtship and the core of how the two of you get to know each other. If you have difficulty expressing yourself verbally or you hate talking on the phone or writing lengthy emails, stick with local singles…..

LACK OF JEALOUSY: This one goes hand in hand with having a trusting nature. If you describe yourself as a jealous person, forget about going long-distance. There is nothing more crushing to a jealous person than hearing about all the interaction their partner is having with members of the opposite sex while you’re miles and miles away. Co-workers, friends-of-friends, past flames, neighbors, or best buddies of the same sex, your long-distance lover will have many interactions with people that a jealous partner will see as a potential threat – and it will eat you up alive. Forget the long-distance romance, and focus instead on facing your own insecurities so that you can ease up on the jealous vibe – which happens to be toxic to relationships both near and far…

LOVE OF TRAVEL: This one is a no-brainer. If you hate to travel or are afraid to fly or drive or take a boat – every meet-up is going to be fraught with stress and anxiety, unless you and your partner have an agreement that he/she will always come to you. This is definitely doable, but needs to be discussed from the very beginning so that no one ends up feeling as though he/she is “investing more” in the relationship than the other. If travel is not your thing, you will constantly come up with excuses as to why you can’t visit and the relationship will eventually fizzle out…

Now that you are clear on which characteristics will benefit a long-distance romance, here are some characteristic that will work against it. If you answer “yes” to the following questions, you’d be wise to seek your next love affair within arm’s reach…

You don’t like to be alone – Hello!!! If you hate being alone, a long-distance relationship will SUCK! Fahgetaboutit…

You have trouble expressing yourself – Stating your wants, needs, and expectations is crucial in a long-distance relationship and you’ve got to be willing to put in the time and effort to share the important aspects of your day in email and phone calls. If you can’t do it, don’t do long-distance…

Your physical needs take priority – In other words, nymphomaniacs need not apply…Seriously, if you have a strong sex drive and need lots of physical touch, a long-distance love is not for you… guaranteed to end badly no matter how much will-power you hope to summon…

I would love to hear about your experiences with long-distance romance. I invite you to comment on this post and to share it with others!