Making Space for a Partner

Have you made space for a partner to come into your life?

This is a question I’ve been asking myself lately. I am so content and comfortable in my skin and with my life that I don’t give a lot of thought to finding a partner. I mean, the vision of love and coupledom bounces around in my head and I am open to meeting someone, but in the meantime, I don’t put much of my focus there. So this question hit me a couple of days ago, have you made space for a partner to come into your life?

Science tells me that nature abhors a vacuum; if a space is available, the universe wants to fill it. So it makes sense that if there is no space, the universe doesn’t see the lack. So here I am in my awesome apartment arranged just the way I like it, enjoying the company of Lewi, my cat and best friend who guarantees that although there is no other human companionship at my place, I am not alone. And I’ve got a close-knit group of friends and family that I meet with regularly who fill my life with laughter and memorable moments. On top of all that, I’ve got work that I am devoted to and get much satisfaction from. It’s a full life – so where is the space for my partner?

This first thought leads to deeper questions such as, what does it mean to make space for someone? For starters, my apartment is full of my stuff, how do I make space there? Should I empty out a drawer in my chest? Should I clear a space in the closet and the medicine cabinet?…What about my leisure time? I have a full schedule juggling work and outings with friends and family, so what happens if I meet someone I really like? I gotta make time for him too, right? Where do I squeeze him in? Wait – he really shouldn’t be ‘squeezed’ in, right? That’s not the way to have a relationship; he will need to take priority over my other activities. Am I ready for that?

What about Lewi? He is a very jealous cat. I’ve had some issues in the past with Lewi not liking my dates and it doesn’t turn out well; those nails are sharp. So here I am with these questions that are only the tip of the iceberg, and I honestly don’t see that I’ve made any real space for a long-term partner. I’m not even sure that I want to. Have I become so comfortable and satisfied with the way things are right now that I don’t even want to make space?

On the other hand, there is no other relationship like a romantic relationship and the companionship of a spouse. There is so much to do together! And so much to talk about! And so many adventures to share! And so much growing and learning and laughing and crying and struggling and fighting and making up….it’s one of the best things about being alive. So where is the space in my life for this person?

I don’t have an answer. Right now, I’m just asking the question and mulling it over. I feel that it’s a really important question, a life-changing question. And my answer is even more important and life-changing. Right now, I’m just thinking aloud and sharing my thoughts with you, my dear readers. Maybe you’ve been thinking similar thoughts…have you made space for a partner to come into your life?

I’d love to hear your answer.

By |2018-04-08T06:16:26+00:00March 29th, 2018|News|4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Richard Miller 30 March, 2018 at 1:39 pm - Reply

    Hi, Sara.

    Today’s post addresses very well an issue about which I have given a lot of thought lately. I am a father of four children, to whom I am deeply devoted. One is currently living overseas so I don’t get to see him too often but the other three are scattered around the east coast of the US I also have a full-time job – one that I enjoy very much – to which I commute in NYC (approximately 1 1/2 hours each way), and moonlight in my previous life-long career of practicing law. I find that my weekend visits to my children, when combined with my working life, leaves very little time for a social life.

    What concerns me is the fact that I would love to have the companionship of a lovely, caring woman and I can see that this desire will only increase in the years ahead as my working life winds down. As you have suggested is the case for you, though, I am very content with my life and, while a “significant other” would add a wonderful dimension to it, it would also bring the compromises and frictions that are inherent in any close relationship. For now, the balance for me seems to be “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it,” but I can clearly see a time when I would feel otherwise and I am concerned that I am missing love and companionship at a time when I am still young enough to truly enjoy it.

    Thanks for putting the conundrum into words as eloquently as you have. There is no easy answer here but it is something about which you have certainly made me think!

    Rich Miller
    Princeton, NJ

    • Sara Malamud 31 July, 2018 at 9:07 am - Reply

      You are so right, there is no ‘easy’ answer – then again, maybe the way our lives are right this moment, IS the answer. And by that I mean that ‘to everything there is a season” and maybe at this moment, it is not our season to be in a romantic relationship, yet when that season comes our way again, we will find ourselves in love. 🙂 This is the faith that I have in the ‘universe’ and in believing that everything comes to us when it is meant to come to us…if we have made the space for it, of course, 😉 Thank you so much for sharing your story, Rich. I appreciate having you as a reader of my posts. Have a great day! Sara

  2. Nison Yakupov 17 May, 2018 at 11:56 am - Reply

    If people that write articles cared more about writing great material like you, more readers would read their content. It’s refreshing to find such original content in an otherwise copy-cat world. Thank you so much.

    • Sara Malamud 31 July, 2018 at 9:03 am - Reply

      Wow! What a lovely thing to say and a very generous compliment, Nison! The fact that you are reading my articles and enjoying them is deeply satisfying to me, so thank you for taking the time and effort to do so. Wishing you all the best! Sara

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