A Jewish Matchmaker’s Guide to Getting the Most from your Matchmaker
Everyone is their own unique blend of characteristics: wants, likes, dislikes, desires…and it is truly a pleasure for me to assist in the search for a loving partner with whom to build a long-lasting relationship. Sometimes however, the partnership with my client is not successful and doesn’t bring about the outcome we both desire- making a successful match.
Not surprising of course, no one has a 100% success rate and sometimes over the course of the year, the right match simply doesn’t appear. But all-too-often, a higher rate of success could be achieved if the client jumped in with more enthusiasm and joie de vivre-with positive energy and an open embracement of the adventure ahead. Yes, the truth is that sometimes it is the client who limits our chance for success. What can a client do to increase the odds that working with a matchmaker will result in meeting a wonderful partner and building a long-lasting relationship?
Keep reading for my five insider tips to opening the door (and heart) to the love you seek!
1) Trust your matchmaker. One of the most important benefits of hiring a matchmaker is that he/she doesn’t have your baggage. Yes, that stuff. All those aversions and biases and fears that are completely based on your PAST and through which you view every potential match- often dismissing someone who would make a great partner.
The past is the past, but it’s often hard to let go. A matchmaker is making matches based upon shared characteristics- compatibility, and often a gut instinct that is spot-on. You paid this person to assist you with finding a partner, so let your matchmaker work unencumbered. Trust that he/she is working with your best interests in mind (it’s true!) and seriously consider every match presented.
2) Keep an open mind. Okay, so maybe this match is not someone that you have ever pictured yourself dating- maybe he/she isn’t your usual “type”. So what? Life is an adventure, and you have contracted someone to be your personal assistant on the biggest adventure of your life- finding your love match. Why do you want to limit your fun? At the very least, you will meet and learn about someone new- at the very worst, you will have a lousy time and have another ‘bad date’ story to tell, but at the very best- you might hit gold!
Be the risk-taker you’ve always wanted to be – live this adventure to its fullest- and at least for the duration of your contract- be open to all possibilities!
3) Don’t rely on photos. I stress this one until I’m blue in the face and still no one seems to get it. DON’T RELY ON PHOTOS! There- I’ve said it again. Do you know how unreliable photos can be? Seriously! Every one of us has seen photos of ourselves in which we don’t even look like ourselves- for both better and worse! And on top of that, some very attractive people don’t photograph well, and some unattractive people, do.
A photo is great for a general idea of what someone looks like- but I PROMISE you that if you are eliminating people based mostly on the photo- you have missed out on some very attractive dates. I have interviewed HUNDREDS of clients, and I have seen THOUSANDS of photos and it is rare that a photo looks exactly like the person in real life. You already know this stuff!
You’ve looked at lots of photos of friends and family in your life- you know they aren’t accurate representations, so why be unyielding when it comes to photos of potential matches? Do yourself a favor, wait until you meet in person before thinking you know how someone really looks.
4) Give the “possible” a second chance. Many clients agree to a first date, but if sparks don’t immediately fly, they often decline a second. Usually they have many positive things to say about the person and the time spent together, but because there isn’t a strong physical attraction, they just give up. In this situation, I advise that they go out on a least one more date, and just relax and focus on the other person. Often, we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to decide in one date if we want to pursue a long-term relationship. Unless the date is a total disaster, why make an immediate decision?
Normal dating is a process of meeting successive times, getting to know the other person, and after a series of dates, arriving at a decision as to whether or not this is a relationship to pursue. If you enjoyed the company, had a pleasant time and pleasant conversation then why not go out again? There are many couples in deeply loving relationships that didn’t begin with fireworks and sweaty palms. Sometimes the ones that start slowly are the strongest and sweetest….
5) Go out with every match suggested: And I tell you this- if you go out with every potential match that I present, you will end the year knowing that you did everything you could to find your match – that you were open to every opportunity that came your way, and that you gave the universe every possible chance to put the love of your life in front of you. If you can do that, I guarantee that the odds that we find a great match for you will go through the roof!