A Jewish Matchmaker’s Guide to Distinguishing Mr. Right from Mr. Wrong
You think you’ve found the love of your life- the one you’ve been waiting for. Oh, the chemistry! The fireworks! You hope this feeling never goes away! But how can you be sure that what you’re feeling has long-lasting potential and isn’t just infatuation?
Aish.com recently published a list of Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person. I turned it into ten questions to ask yourself. If you examine your relationship against the backdrop of these insightful questions, it won’t be too difficult to determine if your man is Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong.
10) Is your man emotionally dependent on someone or something else?
This emotional dependence can be his parents, an ex, drugs, the internet, work, etc. If any of these plays the primary role in your man’s life- there is no space for you there. It’s called “triangulation” and it is strangulation to a good relationship.
9) Are you trying to escape?
Do you think marriage is going to save you from your unhappiness? Many people get married to escape their present circumstances. The truth is that if you cannot be happy when you’re single- you won’t be happy when you’re married.
8) Are you honest about what you want?
Are there things about your man that bother you? Are you uncomfortable with some of his decisions? If you cannot be honest about your concerns, how will you learn to communicate and compromise? If you are afraid to speak up- you need to evaluate this connection.
7) Do you feel safe?
If there is anything about this man that makes you feel as though he wouldn’t be there for you in a crisis? Are you afraid of him in any way? If so, get out. Period.
6) Do you respect this man?
Respect is not the same as impressed. You can be impressed by someone’s good looks or success, but respect means that you respect him as a human being, as a person. Respect is based upon qualities that allow you to trust someone- if you don’t trust him, then you don’t respect him.
5) Are you moving too fast?
Women, in particular, tend to become emotionally involved once they are physically involved. Understand that knowing what a person is about before getting physical can mean that you don’t wake up one day and wonder what in the world you’re doing with him.
4) Are your goals and priorities the same?
Having different interests can add excitement to a union, but having different priorities and goals is a recipe for conflict. Who should change? You or him? Neither. Look for someone who shares your goals/priorities so you will grow together, not apart.
3) Does your man meet your emotional needs?
Most of us simply want to be loved. Does your man know how to make you feel loved? Do you feel that you are the most important thing in his life? If you don’t feel it now- you never will.
2) Is it all about chemistry?
Do you overlook his negative qualities because you are “crazy about him”? Is it more about chemistry than content? That cocktail of brain chemicals feels great, but look for deeper characteristics: humility, kindness, responsibility, happiness. If he doesn’t exhibit these characteristics, your “high” is going to lead to a painful “crash”.
1) And the number one question to ask yourself- Do you expect him to change?
If you don’t love him just the way he is – right now – with his annoying habits, his zoning out in front of the TV, his lack of romance, his poor communication skills – whatever you think you need to fix. If you can’t take him just the way he is without fixing him, move on.
*This blog was inspired by Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person at http://www.aish.com/d/w/48955756.html?s=mpw