Is your fiancé a procrastinator?
The answer to this reader’s question may shed some light on how to deal with a procrastinating partner:
Q: “He accepts that he is and I’ve accepted his reasons for being so. I’m a list maker and a do-er. He says, ‘I’ll do it after work tomorrow.’ I say, ‘You said that yesterday.’ This is extremely frustrating and I’ve come to realize I’m picking up some of his habits. I am close to leaving him because of this situation.”
(A) There are people (tending to be male) who experience feeling dominated when asked to do something. This can be a rebellious throwback to childhood with a dominating parent. This child can feel their free-will is being suffocated when they comply. Reverse psychology was born of this reflexive response. The irony about the rebel is that while thinking noncompliance means freedom of choice, just the opposite is true. They’re behavior is as robotic as the compliant child.
However in adult relationships the game of expressing the opposite request in order to produce the desired response is exhausting and inappropriate.
The most responsible achievement an adult attains is the ability to get their needs met. If you’re describing a relationship where whatever you ask is the thing he can’t/won’t do, you’re in a losing relationship. It foretells a battleground of requesting, ignoring, requesting, ignoring until there’s so much resentment the relationship dies.
People who are programmed to move to the right if asked to move to the left, have homework if they expect a successful partnership. They’re capable of moving to the left; they just can’t if they’ve been asked first by another person. It feels to them as though they’ve been robbed of choice. If they thought of it first they could do it.
When asked to move to the left even though their partner has asked them, the job is to get the procrastinator to see they can move to the left because they choose to even if coincidently that’s what their partner wanted. This way they get to own their choice.
Read the full article here: