Tall, dark, and… handsome? Is this really your perfect match? Would you be wiling to settle for just one out of three? Or are you like most of us out there whose “shopping list” gets longer and wider as we hopelessly scour the globe for our perfect match.
When we think in terms of our ideal partner, our supposed perfect match, we tend to set the bar very high. In fact, we set it so high, that we don’t believe we’ll ever reach it. We set out with an image – a preconceived idea of that perfect match. We picture the handsome knight, the white horse, and the fair maiden in the tower. This scenario may work well on the big screen, but life as we know it, is a lot more complex. It’s filled with endless expectations, disappointments, and then – we get stuck.
So how do we define our perfect match? How do we really know just ‘what’ and ‘who’ we’re looking for? Why not start from the beginning? Start from who you know and what you know best. And ultimately, that’s YOU. Make a list of YOUR qualities, flaws, character traits, your highs and your lows. You’re honest, fun-loving, dependable, romantic, social, physically active, and spiritual. You’re head-strong, independent, stubborn, and you like to get what you want. Is this really you? After all, exactly how we perceive ourselves is the message we send out there. Now ask yourself: “Do I still expect to find someone who’s exactly like me in every conceivable way?” There actually is no such thing as a perfect match!
What we thought we wanted in our 20s, is certainly not what we want (nor what we deserve!) in our 40s. We make attempts to find that perfect match that is most like, well… us. We assume that for every attribute we have, our partner must have, at the very least, the same. But for every flaw or shortcoming we readily admit to, we don’t dare hope to find it in someone else. Sometimes your perfect match may have some totally different personality traits yet they compliment yours.
Be fair to yourself and don’t set the bar too high. But don’t settle for second best either. Know that what you might consider to be your perfect match at the dinner table won’t necessarily be so ideal… after breakfast. Don’t think of who you would like to be with, but rather, what qualities you truly want. As we get a little older, and with any luck, a little wiser, we can and should be honest with ourselves. Don’t compromise on your integrity, but do trust your better judgment. Sharpen your negotiating skills and be prepared to negotiate and find that comfortable middle ground – where you can both laugh at yourselves and each other. After all, your perfect match can and will only be as perfect … as you are.