Love and Relocation

In these modern days of Jewish internet dating and Jewish Matchmaking, many potential partners live in separate cities, separate states and sometimes separate countries. One of the first questions a matchmaker will ask is “would you relocate for love?” For many, this can be a loaded question. Of course you want to find the right match with whom you hope to live a long and happy life, but on the other hand, you’re probably well established with a career, friends, and possibly even family already in your area. Do you really want to uproot yourself and start all over again in a new location? It’s a question with no easy answers and may require that you do a little soul-searching.

What are your priorities in life? Have you made your job your number one priority? Have you made your friends your number one priority? Family, of course, is another matter. If you have an ex-spouse and you share custody of children, then making a move to a distance locale may not be in the best interest of everyone involved and it may be that you simply don’t wish to sacrifice the relationship that your children have with either you or your ex-spouse. That is a completely legitimate reason to stay put. If, however, you are reluctant to move because you want to stay close to your parents or your siblings, then you may not be taking marriage seriously enough. The Torah states in Genesis “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife…” This is a clear statement. One is to leave the safety and comfort of his/her childhood environment and forge a new bond with their spouse.

Life and love are really all about priorities. The adage “you can have it all” is a fallacy. Very few people, if any, “have it all”. Life is actually not about “having it all”. Life is more about deciding what is most important to you and having that. The result will be a happy life, not one that pulls you in a million different directions and leaves you unfulfilled in all of them. If marriage and family are priorities in your life, then you commit yourself to do what it takes to have a successful marriage and happy family- if your career is most important or your friends are most important, then it’s a given that your marriage and family will suffer. Be daring, take a chance; show that you are committed to the success of a personal relationship. You will find another job; you will make new friends, and you’ll be doing both with the support and love of the wonderful person whom you never would have met if you had stayed where you were.

So, next time you’re faced with the question of “are you willing to relocate?” Take a deep breath and vow to commit yourself to the cause of finding your Jewish soulmate. Just say “yes”.